The Making of a Romantic - From Shy Guy to Fly Guy

I suppose starting at the beginning is worthwhile. I was a womanizer in kindergarten.  Girl-izer?  Not really, but I used to kiss girls in the playground, according to my mom. I still remember being 5 years old on a cruise and the ship's social co-ordinater used to smother me in kisses, and I loved it. She would carry me in her arms and dance with me, and she would advocate for me when I wanted the kiddie pool on deck filled to wade in. But I went from not being shy at all, to being very shy at the age of 6.  I had 3 long-term crushes between kindergarten and University. One from kindergarten to grade six, from grade 7 to grade 8, and from grade 8 to first year university. I had a girlfriend in the US when I was 13, and no, it's not the cliché nobody-will-ever-find-out so-I-can-lie-about-it relationships. Like in The Breakfast Club when Brian says, "You wouldn't know her, she's from Canada."

I grew up with my second mother, who took care of me when my mom started back at work, and her two kids. They were of German decent and I was the odd kid out, with two blonde-blue eyed kids. I'm sure people observed Birgit and her three kids with curiosity. Luckily, my "sister" was friends with my grade-school crush. She also lived in the same condominium as me so we saw each other a lot, and I was the only boy at one of her birthday parties. It was one day when we were all together with my crush's younger sister that one of my siblings revealed my interest in her. It was probably my younger "brother" who didn't have the same scruples as I when it came to secrets. I denied it up and down, horrified that my secret was revealed. I believe it shaped my approach with women, which was to guard my interest in them like the gold in Fort Knox. It did allow me a lot of freedom and security to get to know them, holding my interest so close to my chest. They would never catch me looking, and I'd only take advantage of a conversation if it presented itself. I was generally outgoing, and interestingly, I think many of my later crushes may have been mutual. Unfortunately, I rarely took advantage of any indications of their interest in me. I was too used to hiding any mutual interest we may have had.

In my early years of sharing my interest, which came about halfway through high school, I would write letters. Anonymous in high school, and then named later on. Eventually, I started meeting women who were strong and courageous enough to share their interest. The first was a young Italian woman. The way she kissed my cheek the second time we met through my friend, and my friend's disinterest in her (which I thought was nuts, as she could have been a model if it weren't for her short stature and she had an incredible sense of humour) led me to asking him for her number. When I finally summoned the courage to call her, another mutual friend had beaten me to the punch. I responded by telling her he was a great guy and she replied, "Yes, but I think it's obvious I like you." And so we ended up going on a date after he took her for lunch. When I took her to Ontario Place to check out an IMAX film, she was in control. After I parked the car, she didn't get out, and leaned her head over the arm rest to receive our first kiss. After the IMAX film I got up to leave but she remained seated so I sat back down and I made out in a theatre for the first time. When I dropped her off at her host's home, she instructed me to park around the corner to make out some more. It was sad when she left, but I later met her when she was living in London and I had a layover after my trip to South Africa. I met her husband and her newborn, and they were impressed that I could eat pasta without a spoon (what a silly stereotype).

It was in London that I bought two things for a future girlfriend. A girlfriend I didn't have. I have a small collection of things that are so beautiful and lovely, it felt good to buy them even if it wasn't for anyone specific. They were the types of things reserved for someone special. Earrings from a street market in London. A raw silk scarf, also from London. A pendant... And a few other things. I'm not sure why I did this, but part of me thinks it's because of a need to be romantic, despite not having a girlfriend.

As time went on, and I achieved a variety of life accomplishments, my self worth improved. As my self worth improved, I easily transitioned to showing my interest instead of holding back, and finding success. Approaching women was never as big an issue as showing interest, and so I simply started tacking that on. I was surprised by the success, and in some ways, kicked myself for not doing it sooner. But that early trauma of having my interest in my crush revealed in front of me at such an early age really had affected me. At least I thin it did. I suppose my general default remains keeping my interest a secret, but the romantic in my often kicks my butt eventually, and so I'm more apt to act on my interest. What is most interesting is showing an interest, but it's not interpreted as being interested. So I try to be more clear when I ask womxn out. Nobody said asking anyone out was easy, but I'm glad it's become easier.

Comment in the section below... What are your ideas about romance? What do you consider to be romantic? Please share your ideas for the benefit of others, anonymously if you prefer.